I think this is where I’m supposed to tell you why I’m unhappy.
I’m staring up at a bright white moon listening to the crickets trying to find the words to say that I don’t love you anymore. I used to mean it when I said it but I think we just aren’t the same people we were when we met and people change and grow and sometimes they just don’t grow together. And I’m sorry and I hate that you can’t hear the hurt I’m causing you because I’m too unsure of how to speak these words out loud because even though I’m don’t love you anymore I can’t stand to see you hate me. I swear I’m trying but the words just won’t come out. I can see it on your face that you know I want to say something. You’re looking into my eyes right now and its breaking my heart because I want to reassure you that everything is fine but it isn’t and you look so in love…
I … So … I’ve got nothing.
Knowing when to cover up is
Knowing to cover up in front of
is you bringing me shame.
Today is one of those days that I wish I could cry.
Even just a tear or two.
It has to feel better than the heavy smile I keep dragging up my face.
I walk to my car with my keys between my knuckles and my head on a swivel any time I pass a bush.
Safe and sound at home an internet pop up tries to sell me a subscription to a rape fantasy website.
And I wonder if either of us understands what that word means. Fantasy.
I fantasize about not being afraid to tell a date I live alone.
I fantasize about not being worried when I call a plumber and a strange man shows up at my door.
I fantasize about falling in love with a man who always makes sure I feel safe.
Sex is great.
And I don’t care why you do it the first time.
Whether it’s love or it’s to experiment it’s your choice.
I don’t care about the age, race, or gender of the person you give it to.
The only thing I don’t want to hear is that you did it to keep him or to feel loved.
Because I will always love you and you will always be mine.